Jesus & Marriage
Text: Mark 10:1-12
Core Idea: Jesus reminds us that the marriage covenant was established by God in creation, and He designed it to be a permanent union between a man and a woman for their joy and His glory. On the other hand, divorce is contrary to God’s original design for marriage and has come into the world because of human sin.
INTRODUCTION
Good afternoon, Lighthouse. It is delightful to see all of you today. If you’re visiting us for the first time, we’re so thankful to have you. I pray that you’ll experience the fullness of His love for you today. Well, we’ve been exploring the life of Jesus through the Gospel of Mark. So, if you have your Bibles, please turn to Mark 10:1-12. Let me read this for us.
1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to Him, and as was His custom, He taught them. 2 Some Pharisees came and tested Him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” He replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Amen. This is the Word of God for you today.
One of the things that I started doing more recently is to read something on preaching at the beginning of the week. The reason for this is simple: I want to grow. Knowing that I’m not near where I want to be, I want to grow as a preacher in order to serve the people I love most effectively when I have the joy and privilege of preaching. This week, I was reading a book called Preaching by Tim Keller and this is what it said, “It is fundamental to preach biblically, and to preach to cultural narratives, but these are not enough. Unless the truth is not only clear but also real to the listeners, then people will still fail to obey it. Preaching cannot simply be accurate and sound. It must capture the listener’s interest and imagination; it must be compelling and penetrate their hearts… Change happens not just by giving the mind new arguments but also by feeding the imagination new beauties.” After being inspired by this, I started my sermon preparation by reading this passage – and I thought to myself, “How in the world can I do this from this text?” Let’s be honest – there aren’t a lot of topics more difficult or complicated for a pastor to address than divorce. And to make matters worse, there must be a lot of questions that immediately fill your mind in relation to what the Bible teaches on divorce – no doubt, good questions but questions that I possibly cannot answer in the brief time I have with you. And even if I could, it’s hard to imagine that these answers will compel and move your hearts. But here’s what’s most concerning to me: there must be those present who have felt the heartbreaking effects of divorce. This passage may remind you of your divorce, the divorce of your parents, the divorce of your close friends – and the scar and pain left in your hearts.
But despite these challenges, I firmly believe that it’s God’s gracious intention that led us to this passage today – and my prayer has been that we will make some unexpected discoveries that will bring healing to your hearts, convict you of the truth, and ultimately raise our affections for the Lord. Now, it’s important for you to know that this message isn’t meant to cover all that the Bible teaches about divorce and marriage. Please keep this in mind as you listen because if you don’t understand the purpose and limitation of this sermon, you’ll definitely be distracted by many of your unanswered questions – the endless, countless unique scenarios or specific situations that may require tremendous wisdom to navigate through. Instead, write them down and postpone them for further study – and of course, I’ll be more than happy to provide books and articles that you can read to help you understand this difficult subject better. But most importantly, remember that the pastors are here for you. We’re doing life with you, which means that we will always make ourselves available to you. So, please don’t hesitate to reach us – we will humbly and faithfully journey with you knowing that this is not easy.
Then with that in mind, my purpose for this message is to get this text right. So, even though I may make some references to other passages in relation to this topic, I’ll focus our time on better understanding Mark 10:1-12, which undoubtedly is solely dependent on the person and work of the Holy Spirit who I know is present here and is ready to bless us. Then with our eyes fixed on Him, let’s explore this passage with great expectation. I divided the message into three parts:
THE CONFLICT
THE RESPONSE
THE TEACHING
1) THE CONFLICT (V. 1-5)
Let me begin by recapping the stories that took place so far. In fact, I prepared a map to help you visualize Jesus’ journey. In Mark 9, we saw Jesus transfigured on a high mountain, which was located near Nazareth. Then at the bottom of the mountain, we saw that the disciples could not cast out a demon from a boy because, in their pride, they didn’t rely on God’s power – they didn’t pray. From there, they traveled north to Capernaum – and on their way, we saw the disciples arguing about who was the greatest which prompted Jesus to teach them what true greatness is: being a servant of all. And here, He also took the opportunity to warn them of the destructiveness of sin and the reality of hell. Verse 1, Mark tells us that Jesus now entered the region of Judea, across the Jordan. One thing’s clear: Jesus was slowly but surely moving south toward Jerusalem where He will fulfill His mission on the cross. But even on this important journey, we see Jesus’ compassion revealed in the phrase, “As was His custom, He taught them.” Though many of them must have been hardened in hearts, unbelieving, unresponsive, more interested in His miracles than His teaching, as was His custom, He taught them – He cared for them; He was patient with them. Another great example, reminding us that we ought to persevere with patience with the people around us even if we don’t see immediate fruit from our ministry.
Verse 2. Mark tells us that some Pharisees emerged from the crowd to ask Jesus a question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Now, the question was not sincere – they weren’t seeking to learn from Jesus. The intent was wicked, hostile – they wanted to trap Him. Now, some of you may be wondering, “Why this question? How can this question possibly stumble and trap Jesus?” You see, this doesn’t make sense unless we consider the geographical location and the recent event that took place in Jesus’ days. Let me explain. The region of Judea was where John the Baptist ministered – and we read in Mark 6 that he was imprisoned and eventually beheaded by Herod Antipas because John denounced the remarriage of Herod and Herodias. Mark 6:17-19 says, “For Herod himself had given orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound and put in prison. He did this because of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, whom he had married. For John had been saying to Herod, ‘It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.’ So, Herodias nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him.” Now, Jesus’ association with John the Baptist was common knowledge. Then it seems like the Pharisees asked the question to get a response from Jesus that would provoke Herod, offend Herod so that Jesus would experience a similar fate as John the Baptist. And this actually should come as no surprise since Mark already informed us of allegiance between the Pharisees and the Herodians – Mark 3:6 says, “Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.” There’s no doubt that this question was most definitely intended to discredit Jesus and get Him in trouble.
Now, it was well-known that the Jewish law supported divorce – the only issue was on what grounds was divorce permitted. At the time, there were two schools of thought on this – conservative and liberal. The conservatives, under the leadership of Rabbi Shammai, believed that the only ground for divorce was adultery (sexual immorality). In contrast, the liberals, under the leadership of Rabbi Hillel, believed that divorce could be granted for any indecency, for any cause. So, for example, if the husband didn’t like his wife’s cooking or if he was no longer physically attracted to her, he can issue a certificate of divorce to his wife. (By the way, I’m not making this up – these two examples were recorded in the Jewish law.) Now, the crucial text that determined their positions was Deuteronomy 24:1, which says, “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house.” The debate was really over what “something indecent” meant as grounds for divorce. The conservatives limited that to sexual sins, but the liberals included anything that angered or irritated the husband. Then with this in mind, look at the Pharisees’ question in our passage again. A commentator, James Edwards, writes, “Their objective is to maintain a permissive divorce policy – and the more permissive the better. The Pharisees reflect the view that marriage is a disposable contractual arrangement.” That’s the backstory.
Verse 3. As He did many times before, Jesus answered their question with another question, “What did Moses command you?” In other words, “What does the Bible say?” You see, no matter what situation He was in, Jesus looked to and obeyed the Scripture. For example, even on the cross, as He was experiencing this excruciating pain, shameful humiliation, and agonizing abandonment, He quoted the Word of God. This is very important because it shows us that Jesus faced everything with the Word, and we should do the same. Everything we need is found in the Word.
Verse 4. The Pharisees responded with a reference to Deuteronomy 24 – a passage where Moses provided an exception and allowance for divorce. Verse 5. But Jesus immediately responded that Moses’ permission to divorce was an accommodation of the hardness of their hearts. In other words, the OT reference they quoted wasn’t a command but a concession in light of their sin. Think of it this way. A command expresses God’s heart – His desires and plans from the beginning. In contrast, a concession was something God allowed in the society of fallen people as an expression of His mercy. Jesus was saying, “Moses didn’t give you this permission to weaken the original purpose and plan of marriage – it was simply an acknowledgment of the slavery, the destructiveness, the hardness of sin, and a gracious way for God to help us manage sin in our marriage. Don’t mistake God’s provision in allowing divorce as His approval of it.” John Frame explains it this way: “God determined that a prohibition of all divorce would be, for fallen people, unbearable, and therefore counterproductive for good social order. Sin would certainly lead to divorce; the law could not be expected to prevent that. The best thing that the law could accomplish would be to regulate divorce, to mitigate its oppressiveness and maintain the rights of those cast aside.”
Then what does this mean for us? Well, Jesus’ words teach us that every divorce involves a sinful violation of God’s design for marriage – it’s giving up on what God calls us to do. Therefore, we must grieve over it. We shouldn’t celebrate over it or encourage it – but we must do everything in our power to prevent it. Now, if a believer does divorce for the reasons permitted by the Word, he/she must still repent knowing that divorce is against what God desires for our lives. At the same time, we as a church must continue to journey alongside them with love, hope, and help that are found in Christ alone – especially the children who may have been affected by it so that they would be drawn to Jesus, not turned away from Him. We must remember that divorce is not an unforgivable sin. Listen to what Pastor Tim Keller said, “King David started his relationship with Bathsheba in the worst of possibilities. David fell in love, had an affair, and then had her husband killed. Talk about being knee-deep in sin. But when he confessed and repented God cleansed and blessed his new marriage to Bathsheba to the point that from that marriage came Solomon, and from Solomon came Jesus. Unbelievable. What does that mean other than God is trying to say to all of us, ‘I can redeem the worst situations. I love doing it. I love redeeming the hardest cases. Go ahead, try me.’” The blood of Jesus is enough to cover all things – He is always forgiving and always faithful if we would just turn to Him.
2) THE RESPONSE (V. 6-9)
Let’s turn to verse 6. Notice that Jesus transformed this discussion by teaching them God’s original purpose of marriage. They wanted to talk about divorce; He insisted on talking about marriage. They focused on what God permitted; He focused on what God intended from creation. Then let me point out two things about marriage that we can glean from Jesus’ words. First, God designed marriage – in other words, the whole structure and plan of marriage was God’s idea. He made them male and female – both masterfully molded in the image of their Maker. And in His wisdom, God saw that it was not good for the man to be alone – so, He orchestrated that the man would leave his family to start a family of his own. He will not send her away – rather, he will hold fast to her. They are joined into one flesh. And since everything God does is good (Ps. 119:68), God has defined marriage for our good – marriage is His gift to us. This is so important to note because we live in a world where marriage has been redefined or distorted to be an old-fashioned institution or a human invention in response to our loneliness. But Jesus reminds us that at the climax of the creation, we see God bringing a man and a woman together to unite them in marriage for His glory and their joy. Application: we ought to have a high view of marriage. Friends, is this true in your life? Do you take your marriage seriously?
Second, God designed marriage to be a life-long, permanent union. The word “united” Jesus cited from Genesis 2 in verse 7 literally means “to be glued to something.” We know that when two things are glued well together, it’s very difficult to separate them without damaging one or the other. That’s the image that Jesus used to show that marriage is unbreakable. You see, in a marriage covenant, your lives are intertwined in such a way that everything about you becomes one – your happiness and successes become one; your struggles and pain become one; your possessions and resources become one. It’s intimate. It’s vulnerable. It’s committed. It’s completely self-giving. It’s no longer thinking about me but thinking about us.
Then let me speak to the married. What we learn from this is that it was God Himself who joined you with your spouse. Behind your wedding day was God Himself. Do you see this? This passage provides us with a divine perspective of marriage which should create in our hearts this fresh affection and appreciation for our spouse. In fact, knowing that your marriage is God’s creation – made possible for His pleasure – you must learn to joyfully, intentionally surrender yourself to God and your spouse. It’s not about you. It’s not about your comfort. It’s not about meeting all your self-defined needs. It’s about God. It’s about your spouse. But the beautiful thing is that when you make your marriage about God, about your spouse, though you may have to give up many things, sacrifice, you’ll begin to experience this satisfying joy in your hearts as well. That’s the mystery of marriage. Then let me ask you, “Are you living this way? Are your thoughts and desires, your day-by-day plans, the way you talk to one another – serve one another, the way you make decisions, and the things you think about your future, are they expressions of your sacrificial love for your spouse or self-fulfillment?”
Let me go a little deeper, “Is your marriage a display of the gospel to the world?” Ephesians 5:22, 25-27 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Husbands, think about what’s at stake here. You and I are representing Jesus to the world with the way we love our wives. If we’re harsh with our wives, we’re showing the world that Jesus is harsh with His people. If we ignore our wives’ needs, we’re telling the world that Jesus ignores our needs. But if we’re faithful to our wives, we’re showing the world that Jesus is always faithful to us. Husbands, what picture of Jesus are you presenting to the world with the way you love your wife? Similarly, wives, what picture are you giving to the world of what it means to follow Jesus? If you disrespect your husband, you show the world that Jesus is not worthy of respect. If you don’t pursue your husband, you show the world that Jesus is not worth pursuing. But if you’re faithful to your husband, you show the world that Jesus is enough for His people. Brothers and sisters, the health of marriage in this community matters not only for the peace and joy of everyone here but also for the witness of the gospel to the world. No wonder Jesus ended His conversation with a stern warning in verse 9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Every married couple needs to be reminded of this divine perspective because every married couple is vulnerable to the hardness of heart. You see, marriage at times will expose our pride, selfishness, impatience, envy, and the fickle nature of our hearts. Then my prayer is that this truth will break all temptations and sin as it provides you with new eyes for your spouse – remember that he/she has been brought to you by God Himself. So, guard your marriage. Pray together. Take walks together. Repent and ask for forgiveness or graciously forgive. You see, there are few things more precious in life than your marriage. Don’t take it for granted. A good marriage is not something you find, it’s something you work for it. And that’s why you shouldn’t give up. The good news is that God knows your needs. He knows what you’re facing. He understands. And His grace will be sufficient for you. J.C. Ryle said, “Happy are they who remember that marriage is, after all, the union of two sinners, and not of two angels.” Remember that you are married to a sinner, not an angel – though I think I am. And I pray that every husband here feels the same way about their wife.
Before we move to our last point, I want to speak to two more groups. First, our youths. From this passage, I pray that your affections and gratitude for your parents will grow exponentially more. God brought your dad and mom together – and they have sacrificially served you in countless ways. Then I invite you to thank your parents today – for the way they’re providing you with, sure, a flawed but godly example of marriage. Second, our singles. I wonder if there are those who are thinking, “Woohyun, I wholeheartedly believe everything you’re saying. But instead of being inspired, it’s only increasing my temptation to doubt the goodness of God because I have been desiring this, praying for this for years – but God hasn’t given me the desires of my heart. Why hasn’t He answered?” Now, if you’re asking me, I would simply say, “I don’t know” – and I would just grieve with you. In fact, in preparation for this message, I’ve been praying that God will give you the desire of your heart. But even if His answer is delayed, I prayed that you wouldn’t abandon your hope in the Lord – instead, that this season would continue to deepen your devotion to the Lord as you learn to trust and wait in hope.
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all.” I pray that this would be the culture at Lighthouse – a culture that honors marriage, a culture that has a high view of marriage.
3) THE TEACHING (V. 10-12)
Let’s turn to verse 10. Notice that Mark doesn’t inform us of the Pharisees’ response but quickly transitions to Jesus’ teaching of the Twelve. You see, the disciples wanted a clarification – “Umm, Jesus, you didn’t really answer their question. Then what is it? Is divorce permissible or not?” And this was His answer in verses 11-12, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” It appears that Jesus didn’t allow divorce for any reason. Now, if we were to take the time to explore the whole Bible, we would see that there are valid reasons for divorce permitted by God. For example, in Matthew 19, Jesus Himself acknowledged that sexual immorality is a legitimate cause for divorce. Although divorce isn’t required in response to this sin, because of the violence this sin does to the marriage bond, Jesus permitted this exception – it was His provision for the one who had been sinned against. Also in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul acknowledged another exception for divorce – when a non-believer leaves or deserts a believer. Then how come Jesus didn’t mention these exceptions here? It’s because Mark wanted to put his emphasis on the training aspect – Jesus was teaching the sanctity of marriage to the Twelve. Let me explain. You see, knowing that these disciples will become the leaders of the church, Jesus was impressing upon their hearts that divorce is unacceptable before God. Divorce is always a result of sin which means that God hates it. Jesus must have wanted the disciples to establish this truth in the church. Jesus wanted them to promote and protect God’s original intention and purpose of marriage so that all His disciples would never be conformed to their surrounding culture. They weren’t to look for ways to leave their marriages but fight to glorify God in and through their marriage.
Then how do we apply this truth to ourselves? Well, if it’s the church’s role to protect God’s original purpose of marriage, we, as a church, must care for one another with godly concern. We’re not just strangers sitting next to one another – we’re brothers and sisters in Christ brought together for a purpose. This means that we must care about the marriages in our community – not just ours. We must pray for the families in our community. I pray that we would never isolate or ignore the struggling marriages of others but that we would lay down our lives to care for each other. Of course, you don’t need to be married to help other couples because we’re not sharing our thoughts or opinions – we’re sharing the Word of God, encouraging them with the truth. That’s why we are all needed in helping our married couples in this community to thrive and pursue holiness for the glory of God. I pray that we would be that kind of community.
Just one last thought before we end. This passage should point us to our heavenly reality because our marriage is always meant to display the greater marriage union between Christ and His Church. Charles Spurgeon said, “Did you ever notice how the Bible ends? It closes with that happiest of conclusions, marriage and happiness. The marriage of the Lamb is come, and His bride hath made herself ready. Infinite felicity closes the volume of revealed history – it all ends in everlasting bliss and eternal union. Even thus shall it be with us, for the Lord hath blessed us hitherto.” That’s how all things will end for those who place their trust in Jesus – and this is possible because He made His way to Jerusalem. Jesus was killed on the cross for our sin as our substitute, suffering the wrath that we deserved so that we might be forgiven of our sins, so that we might have hope for our marriages, so that we would receive an invitation to the marriage supper of the Lamb. Brothers and sisters, remember this because when we live without an eternal perspective, earthly trials will feel larger than life. Without the hope of heaven, there’s nothing to look forward to – life gets boring, tedious, and tiresome. It’s true that our future hope won’t necessarily take away our present suffering and struggles – but God promises that He will give meaning to each one. He will use it for His glory and our joy and sanctification. Then I pray that you’ll hope in this as you daily fight the good fight.
CONCLUSION
Lighthouse family, Jesus reminds us that the marriage covenant was established by God in creation, and He designed it to be a permanent union between a man and a woman. On the other hand, divorce is contrary to God’s original design for marriage and has come into the world because of human sin – the hardness of heart. Then let us be intentional in protecting this truth in our community as we continue to cultivate a high view of marriage for His glory and our joy.
Discussion questions
Why do you think divorce continues to be a controversial topic today?
How are the Pharisees trying to trap Jesus? In His answer to the Pharisees, why does Jesus go back to Genesis 2:24?
How does Jesus’ view of marriage affect your view of marriage and also your experience of it or pursuit of it?
Pray for the married – that they will come to love God and love their spouse more. Pray for the singles – that they will come to love God and love the community more. Pray for both that their hearts will be guarded against lies that are meant to distract and destroy us.