God’s Design for Marriage
Text: Genesis 2:18-25
Core Idea: Marriage is a gift from God that blesses us, but it also points us to Christ and His unending love for us. Then, with the power that Christ offers, let’s model after Him in the way we love our spouse so that our marriages can be used to fulfill the purpose that God has for us in bringing glory to His name.
INTRODUCTION
Well, we’re currently going through the Book of Genesis – looking at how all things started. And last week, we learned that work is not a result of sin – but that work was always part of God’s design for His world from the very beginning. In other words, we work because God created us for work. This is so important for us to remember because it tells us that the work that we do on a daily basis is not meaningless but purposeful. It’s not just a means to an end but an act of worship to God – given to us so that we can use it to honor Him. Then let me ask you, “This past week, were you able to work as if you were working for the Lord? Did you work hard and study hard in order to bring glory to our King?” If so, great. If not, don’t be discouraged. This was never meant to be instantaneous – it’s going to take time. Then, my prayer for all of you is that you won’t give up – that you’ll continue to make every effort to fight the good fight of faith at your workplace and school, that you’ll give it your all, knowing that everything you do is a service to the King. Today, our story will take us to this beautiful moment when the first wedding takes place in God’s creation. Then, with that in mind, please turn your Bibles to Genesis 2:18-25. Let me read this for us.
18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Amen. This is the Word of God for you today.
One thing I pointed out last week was how wonderful this garden was. It was a place teeming with life. There was a majestic river flowing through the garden. There were beautiful trees that were pleasing to the eye and trees that were good for food, in that Adam had everything he needed to survive. The ground was fertile. The animals were living in peace with one another. And the work Adam did was not only fruitful but also enjoyable. Everything seemed to be good – which is why what God says in verse 18 is really shocking. He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Even before the fall, something was actually not good in the world that God created. What was not good? The fact that the man was alone. As a result, God went on to create a woman, which led to the first marriage ever to be recorded in the Bible.
Now, before we move forward, let me address one thing about singleness because some people could misunderstand this verse to mean that it’s not good for us to be unmarried. But nothing could be further from the truth. Let me make it crystal clear: Singleness is not a season of incompleteness. If it were, why would Jesus remain single, and why would Paul say in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “It is good for [the unmarried] to stay unmarried, as I do”? I emphasize this point because many Christians, unfortunately, have misused Scripture to shame and look down on people – insinuating that the singles are somehow missing something in their lives or that they’re still immature in some way. But what I want all of us to remember is that our status as single or married is not an identity but a calling. In other words, singleness is not just where you happen to find yourself right now because you somehow missed an opportunity. But you are where you are because God has called you to be in that season for a purpose. Listen to what Brooks Waldron wrote, “If marriage was designed to show off Christ’s love and devotion to the church, then singleness was designed to show off the church’s love and devotion to Christ.” What this means is that when Christian singles display a deep love and devotion to Christ, they’re communicating to the world that God is sufficient, that He’s incomparably better. All that to say, singleness is precious in the sight of the Lord. Then, our text can be more broadly applied to mean that all of us are made for relationships – that it is good for us to be in a community. But since God made Eve to answer Adam’s aloneness, our sermon is going to focus on understanding God’s design for marriage. But I hope that this won’t be a reason to tune out but that it’ll be an opportunity for all of us to grow. Let me share three things from this text:
· THE GIFT OF MARRIAGE
· THE GLUE FOR MARRIAGE
· THE GLORY OF MARRIAGE
1) THE GIFT OF MARRIAGE
When we read this passage, it’s very clear to see that God is the One initiating all things. Verse 18 – God said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. Verse 21 – God caused the man to fall asleep. God took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Verse 22 – God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man. God brought her to the man. In fact, this random detail about Adam naming the animals is actually God’s way of raising Adam’s awareness of his own aloneness. At this point, it could be that Adam may not have even realized that he needed a companion, maybe because he was distracted by the beauty of the garden. But when God brought the animals before Adam to see what he would name them, Adam must have noticed that every animal had its counterpart – and he must have started to long for companionship with a being like himself. Why did God do this? Because He was preparing Adam to value the gift that He was about to give – so that Adam would never take Eve for granted but would always be grateful for the blessing that she is to him. All that to say, Adam was ready. Verse 21, “So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.” Some people have suggested that the usage of rib is more metaphorical – but there’s no reason to doubt that this is literal. In fact, this could have been done intentionally to show her compatibility with the man. Kenneth Mathews explains, “The woman was taken from the man’s side to show that she was of the same substance as the man and to underscore the unity of the human family, having one source. Then, in marriage, a man discovers the ‘missing part’ of himself – a wife whose very makeup is designed to complement and help him.” But that’s not all –it also highlights the fact that she’s the perfect companion for Adam. Matthew Henry writes, “She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near to his heart to be beloved.” I guess some of you could find this a little cheesy – but I hope that it’s making the husbands think. Husbands, your wife is to be cherished. She alone is your beloved – which means that you should delight in her, thank God for her, and shower her with love.
Regarding the scene of God bringing Eve to Adam, Gerhard von Rad writes, “God Himself, like a father of the bride, leads the woman to the man.” As a pastor, I had the privilege of marrying over twenty couples now – and one of the most memorable moments in a wedding ceremony is when the bride enters with her father. It’s a beautiful moment as the father walks down the aisle with his daughter, whom he loves with all of his heart and whom he adores with every fiber of his being – now, entrusting her to the groom. The bride, keeping in step with her father, feels sad that she’ll be leaving her family but also joyful as she begins this new journey. And the groom – his face changes instantly, his anxiety turning into joy at the sight of his bride. There’s a lot of emotions felt all at the same time. But that was exactly what was happening in the garden. There may have been no music playing – but God the Father was handing Eve’s hand to Adam, entrusting her beloved daughter to him so that they could now enter into a covenant relationship with one another. And Adam literally burst out in a song – verse 23, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Isn’t it quite fitting that the first words spoken by a man recorded is a love poem? The word “now” here in Hebrew literally means “at last.” Then, he was basically saying, “Wow. At last, you are exactly what I have been looking for. You are perfect for me. Because of you, I am now complete.” His heart was immediately drawn to her. He rejoiced over her – and praised God for her because he had finally found his companion. He was no longer alone. Husbands, are you delighting in your wife today? Are you rejoicing over her? Are you thanking God for her every single day? I’m not trying to be sentimental – this is biblical. Husbands, make your wife feel loved today. Tell them often how much you appreciate her and what a blessing she is to you. She is a gift from God.
All that to say, marriage is not a human invention – it’s a gift from God. Now, let’s be honest. Marriage doesn’t always feel like a gift because marriage feels hard. It doesn’t always fill us with happiness – in fact, at times, it’s a source of frustration and disappointment. Then how could we view marriage as a gift? Well, what if I told you that the gift of marriage is not a gift that aims to make you happy but a gift of grace to be used to fulfill God’s kingdom purposes? Implications? Two things. First, it means that only God can define what a marriage is. We do not have the right to redefine it. But, sadly, that’s exactly what’s been happening today – because of sin, the idea of marriage has been distorted and robbed of its value. Same-sex marriage has been legalized. Open marriage is sought after. Polygamy is celebrated. Living together before marriage is a must. And as a result, people no longer enter into marriage with a heart of commitment and sacrifice – rather, they treat it like a product, which is why divorce is rampant. If it benefits them, they’ll get married and stay married. But if it doesn’t, they’ll quickly walk away. Brothers and sisters, as Christians, we must faithfully uphold and courageously guard the biblical understanding of marriage. It’s true that this may cause you to be ridiculed and mocked – possibly even be persecuted and oppressed because it’s incredibly countercultural. But let’s not give in, knowing that this is what the Bible teaches. Of course, we should never do this with a heart of disdain or arrogance – but we should, with love and grace, with faithfulness and courage, protect the biblical definition of marriage. With wisdom and gentleness, we should teach this to our children so that they’ll learn to celebrate marriage as God intended, not as our culture defines it.
Second, it means that husband and wife should complement each other to accomplish the work that God has given us. Verse 18 says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now, I want to make it clear that being a helper carries no connotations of diminished worth or status because God Himself is called the Helper to the Israelites (Ex. 18:4; Ps. 33:20; 146:5). Then helper is a functional term, not a demeaning one. In fact, the phrase “suitable for him” in Hebrew literally means “like opposite him.” In other words, Eve was meant to be his counterpart. Again, this doesn’t in any way diminish her value because both men and women were created in the image of God – but it’s simply defining the differences in their roles. In fact, being different and opposite from each other is good. Think about it. Two pieces of a puzzle will not fit together if they are identical or randomly different, but only if they are rightly different – in a way that complements each other. That’s what’s going on here – Adam and Eve were meant to complement each other to fulfill the purpose that God has given them. Then, what are these God-ordained purposes or works for marriage? Well, it could be the work of procreation and nurturing your children in a God-honoring way since God commissioned Adam and Eve to be fruitful and increase in number (Gen. 1:28). Of course, this is not the only way of honoring God, but this certainly is one of the ways. It could also be the work of cultivating companionship, for this is the very reason why God ordained marriage in the first place – which means that you shouldn’t allow your busy schedule to crowd out times of intimacy but make every effort to protect the time spent together. It could be the work of sanctification since God desires to use every aspect of our lives to make us holy and shape us more like His Son – then marriage is no exception. Gary Thomas said, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” Then, my married friends, what are you doing to help your spouse grow in holiness today? It could mean that you’re praying for and with your spouse. It could mean that you’re helping your spouse not to idolize your marriage but to center your marriage on Christ. It could mean that you’re encouraging, supporting, and patiently standing by your spouse as God does His work in your spouse’s life. It could also mean that you take your own sin seriously – intentionally mortifying your sin so that your shortcomings won’t cause your spouse to sin. All that to say, there are countless ways to do this. Then let me ask you, “Is your marriage fulfilling God’s purposes for your lives? Or is your marriage purposeless and fruitless?” My prayer for you is that you would know that marriage is a gift from God – a gift of grace to be used to fulfill God’s kingdom purposes so that God may be glorified in and through our marriages.
2) THE GLUE FOR MARRIAGE
Verse 24, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Here, God defines for us what a marriage is – how two different individuals can become one. Then, let me address a few things from this verse. First, a man is called to leave his father and mother. Now, does this mean that when we get married, we shouldn’t have anything to do with our parents? Are we disobeying God if we don’t move out of our parents’ house after we get married? Of course not. Personally, I believe that it’s wiser for you to move out because you’ll learn to do life together without the help of others (in other words, become independent so that you grow to take responsibility for yourself and for your family) – and you’ll also be able to devote yourself completely in loving, serving, and getting to know your spouse. But this does not mean that it’s somehow displeasing to the Lord if you choose to stay at your parents’ house. Instead, this is talking about your loyalty. It means that your priorities must change – in that your first concern must be your spouse. Again, this doesn’t mean that you cut ties with your parents after you get married. If that were so, God wouldn’t have given us the command to honor our father and mother. Why would He give us a command that has an expiry date? “Keep this commandment only until you get married.” No, you should continue to love and serve your parents to the best of your abilities, but what this is saying is that for your marriage to be fruitful and God-honoring, you need to understand that the most important relationship in the world is now with your spouse. Your relationship with your parents or your children must come after. So many marriages sadly suffer and crumble because they haven’t established their loyalties from the beginning. They just blur the line – but this will only lead to confusion, misunderstanding, and pain. Friends, if you’re married, please do not center your marriage around others at the cost of your spouse. Of course, there could be seasons when you need to shift your priorities – for example, when your parents are sick or when your children are going through difficult things. But don’t allow this to prolong. Continue to make your spouse your number one after God. But that’s not all.
Second, a man is called to be united to his wife. The word “united” in Hebrew literally means “to cling to, to hold fast to, to be glued to,” – which means that what holds the marriage together is your firm and unwavering commitment to your spouse. It’s the kind of attitude that says, “Come what may. I won’t let anything come between us because you are mine, and I am yours.” No wonder people say phrases like this in their marriage vows, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” Now, this kind of commitment requires work. In order to be united to your spouse, you must make every effort to love your spouse, not just when you feel like it, not just when your spouse earns your love, but at all times. You must work to cultivate physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.
Lastly, they are to become one flesh. Alicia and I have been married for eleven years now – and it still feels like the journey of getting to know each other hasn’t ended. But one thing’s for sure – because of this, when we face something in our lives, I’ve become quicker at asking questions like, “What would Alicia think if we do this? How would she feel if this happened? What would help her to feel less anxiety? What would help her to feel secure?” In fact, the things that she desires have become the things that I desire as well. What’s going on here? It means that Alicia has come into my life. I don’t just understand her better – I’ve come to embrace her as me. We have become one flesh. There’s this oneness that creates understanding, acceptance, and intimacy. You’re not frustrated by the differences you see – rather, you see it as an opportunity to grow together. You don’t run away when things become hard – you don’t cave in when you’re lost, hurting, or grieving. You run to your spouse and invite him/her to help you – to journey with you. If your spouse is overwhelmed, scared, or exhausted, you don’t ignore or abandon your spouse because you don’t want to burden yourself – no, you offer yourself to comfort, encourage, and stand with your spouse because that’s what it means to become one flesh. You love, serve, and care for your spouse just as you would do it for yourself.
What would happen if you do this? Verse 25, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Some people claimed that it was because they were perfect in their physical appearance that they didn’t feel any shame to be naked. But that’s not the reason why they felt no shame. There was complete acceptance and harmony between them, not because they were perfect in their bodies but because they were perfect in their love and commitment to one another. There was no fear of disapproval, judgment, or rejection. There was only unconditional trust. This is so important for us because it means that you don’t have to become perfect in appearance and character for your marriage to work – both of you just need to work together in perfecting your love for one another. Both of you need to make each other your first priority, commit to each other, and aim to become one in all that you do. Then let me ask you, “Are you making an effort to cultivate unity, harmony, and love in your marriage today? If not, what is hindering you from doing so? Is your loyalty divided between your spouse, work, children, parents, and hobbies? Have you stopped trying because you feel like there’s no progress? Or could it be that you’re just not sure how to do this?” Well, if you need more guidance, first of all, hang out with other more mature and seasoned couples so you can learn from them. I’m sure they’ll be able to teach you and model for you from their experience. Invite them to walk with you and keep you accountable. But here are some other things you can do to practically apply this to your marriage. First, make your home a safe environment to make mistakes. Let’s be honest. We’re scared to make mistakes because we don’t want to disappoint our spouses. So, when we do make mistakes, instead of being honest, instead of asking for help, instead of asking for forgiveness, we lie, deny, make excuses to justify our actions, or shift the blame. But what if you never lash out when your spouse makes a mistake? Then mistakes will be an opportunity to grow, not fight. I have so much to share, but I won’t have the time to go through each of them. So, let me just list them, and you can think through them later. Be willing to lose sleep so an important conversation can be completed. Look for concrete ways to support and encourage your spouse. Speak in a way that gives your spouse grace. Don’t let the sun go down on a moment of hurt, misunderstanding, or anger. Daily, commit to overlooking minor things that frustrate you. Be willing to lose the fight in order to win the marriage. Daily, look for ways to communicate your love. All that to say, don’t stop working until your marriage becomes what God intended it to be. I know – this is not going to be easy. But listen to what Pastor Paul Tripp said, “A good marriage will be a good marriage because the people in that marriage are committed to the daily labors that make the marriage good.” In other words, those who you think have healthy marriages are where they are not because they lucked out in finding the right person but because they worked hard to make their marriage better. Then, my prayer for you is that you’ll put in the work of making your marriage beautiful and God-honoring. Yes, there will be moments when you don’t feel like loving your spouse, moments when you want to withdraw rather than move toward your spouse, and moments when you’re tempted to give up because it seems like nothing you’re doing is making any difference or because it feels like you’re the only one putting in the work. But knowing that your marriage is a gift from God, knowing that the Spirit is with you, don’t give up – continue to fight for your marriage. In fact, you can do this with hope because of this last point.
3) THE GLORY OF MARRIAGE
Let’s go back to verse 23, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Now, it seems like there’s nothing mind-boggling about this. Adam fell in love – so he entered into a covenant relationship with Eve. It makes sense. But Paul reveals the mystery that was hidden here in Ephesians 5:30-32, “We are members of His body. ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Think about the logic Paul uses in this passage. He points out the fact that we are members of Christ’s body – in that we’re very near and dear to Him. By the grace of His cross, He has removed every barrier so that we can occupy a special place within His heart as members of His body. To put it differently, we’ve become one flesh. But notice what Paul does with that truth. In verse 31, he explains that this (the love of Jesus for us) is the very reason why people get married. Isn’t that interesting? In Genesis 2, the reason for marriage points back to the fact that Eve was the bone and flesh of Adam – but here in Ephesians 5, the reason for marriage points back to the fact that we are members of Christ’s body. Here’s what this means. It means that God created marriage to point us to the day when the ultimate wedding ceremony will take place between Christ and the church so that we would have hope for our lives every single day. Every time a bride and groom stand and take their vows, whether they realize it or not, they’re reenacting the biblical love story. Isn’t that amazing? Every wedding ceremony is a reminder of Christ’s love for us.
This is important for two reasons. First, because Christ becomes a model for us to imitate in our marriage. Just as Christ unconditionally and extravagantly loved undeserving sinners like us, we ought to love our spouse with all of our hearts, minds, and strengths despite his/her flaws and failings. Just as Christ joyfully sacrificed His life for us, we ought to give up our lives so that our spouse could flourish and grow. Just as Christ was committed to us wholeheartedly, just as Christ loved us to the end, we ought to commit ourselves to loving our spouse to the end, no matter the cost. All that to say, if you want to love your spouse better, look to Christ. Immerse yourself in His love for you. Learn from Him. And replicate that love to your spouse. Second, because Christ’s love gives us the power to offer this kind of love in our marriage. As I said before, the work of making our marriage good is not easy. It could feel burdensome for many different reasons. But this could be a good place to be because it’ll remind you that this cannot be done with our own wisdom and strength – we need His grace. His grace will remind us that Christ will always be with us. His grace will remind us that forgiveness can be found even when we mess things up. His grace will remind us that He’ll strengthen us when we’re weak, give us wisdom when we’re lost, and offer us hope when we’re discouraged, knowing that He’ll never give up on us. So, our married brothers and sisters, cling to Christ today – and with the power that He gives, cling to your spouse. As you do that, may your marriage point people to see the beauty of our Savior’s love for us.
CONCLUSION
Lighthouse family, marriage is a gift from God that blesses us, but it also points us to Christ and His unending love for us. Then, with the power that Christ offers, let’s model after Him in the way we love our spouse so that our marriages can be used to fulfill the purpose that God has for us in bringing glory to His name.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1) How does the idea that marriage was “designed for God’s kingdom purposes” challenge common views of marriage as primarily for personal happiness? What steps can you take to cherish your spouse and fulfill God’s purposes in your marriage?
2) How might divided loyalty affect the health of a marriage? Can you think of ways to gently realign priorities with your spouse?
3) The word “united” in this passage suggests clinging and holding fast. What are practical ways to strengthen unity and commitment with your spouse, even in challenging seasons?
4) Paul likens marriage to Christ’s relationship with the church. How can this understanding reshape the way we think about love and commitment within marriage?