Fights and Quarrels
Text: James 4:1-3
Core Idea: What ultimately causes us to fight and quarrel is not located outside but inside of us – we go to war with others because we don’t get what we want and because of our unsatisfied cravings. The only way to guard ourselves against this is to root ourselves in the gospel – we can love others because God first loved us.
INTRODUCTION
Well, we are going through the Book of James – looking at different ways the gospel impacts our lives. And two Sundays ago, we learned that Jesus is the wisdom of God sent from heaven to bring peace and reconciliation between God and us – which means that true wisdom is not necessarily gained by knowing a lot of things but by knowing a person, namely, Jesus Christ. In other words, we become wiser when we learn to love Him and grow in our relationship with Him. Now, this heavenly wisdom is not like earthly wisdom in that it’s not driven by self-centered motivations, but it aims to honor God and serve those around us – always seeking to bring peace. Unfortunately, we’ll discover that the original recipients of this letter were not enjoying this kind of peace in their community – in fact, their church was marked with fights and quarrels. Knowing this, James takes this opportunity to identify the cause so that they might resolve their conflicts and become peacemakers just like their Savior. Then with this in mind, let’s open up our Bibles to James 4:1-3. Let me read this for us.
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Amen. This is the Word of God for you today.
Let me share three things from this passage:
· THE QUESTION
· THE ANSWER
· THE EVIDENCE
1) THE QUESTION
Verse 1, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?” The assumption behind this question is that James already knew that there were conflicts – which is why he doesn’t say, “Are you fighting or quarreling?” but instead, he asks them why this was happening. We’ll look at the answer in our next point but what I want us to see here is to whom James was addressing this question. He could’ve talked about the cause of fights in general – in the context of all relationships. He could’ve talked about the reasons why nations attack other nations. But James specifically says, “Among you” – among the believers. Now, this doesn’t mean that James was referring only to the conflicts that took place between two members of the same church – it definitely includes that. But it also included disputes between spouses, between parents and children, between siblings, between friends, between neighbors, between employers and employees as long as the parties involved were Christ-followers. Then let me explain why this is important.
What this question implies is that the battlefield is the church. But the soldiers weren’t fighting the enemy – they were at war with each other. Do you see the gravity of this situation? Then I wonder if James was asking this question because he was shocked, perplexed – “What could possibly be so important that it’s causing fights and quarrels among you – you who claim to be disciples of Jesus Christ? As recipients of God’s grace and love, how could you treat one another with so much anger and hatred? How is that possible? Don’t you know that you are called to be peacemakers – to be considerate and full of mercy?” What James wanted to do was help them feel the weightiness of this issue. He didn’t want anyone to take the fights and quarrels that they have with another believer lightly – he didn’t want them to get used to it as if it’s just a normal part of life. In fact, he wanted them to be deeply disturbed by it; he wanted them to feel uncomfortable; he wanted them to grieve over this knowing that this is not who they were meant to be. Think with me. What is a church? The church is the body of Christ. We’re called to be a royal priesthood and a holy nation. We’re the light of the world. We’re the salt of the earth. The church is designed to reflect the love of Christ. So, when we as the church fight and quarrel among ourselves, it reflects poorly upon Christ who died to save us all – to give us peace, hope, and life. Then let me ask you, “Do you find yourself in conflict with another believer today – whether it’d be your spouse, a friend, or a member of this church? If so, do you understand that the person you’re fighting with is someone for whom Christ died, someone that the Lord has saved, someone who will share the same heaven with you?” James is asking all of us, “How can you who have been saved by God’s love show such hatred and anger toward another believer? How can those who have been made brothers and sisters through Christ’s death continue to be at war with one another and treat each other like enemies? How can you continue to fight and quarrel, slander and gossip when we’ve all been adopted as the children of God?” Brothers and sisters, we should not take this lightly. Our hearts should break. We should mourn. But most importantly, we should repent and do everything we can to bring peace – maybe by forgiving someone or asking for forgiveness even if it will cost you a lot. We must let go of our pride and find ways to end this war.
Now, this is not easy to hear. It falls heavily on us. But please know that this truth doesn’t aim to drown you in guilt and shame. I’m not trying to say, “What’s wrong with you? Do better!” No, rather, it’s the opposite – I want us to see that it’s utterly impossible for us to do this on our own. I want us to see that we will always fail if we continue to rely on ourselves. Because of our sin, we are unable to be what we are supposed to be, and we are unable to do what we have been created to do. I want us to see that we are hopeless apart from divine intervention. God is our only hope. Without Him, we would never be able to avoid these fights and quarrels. We’ll talk more about this later – but for now, I just wanted you to know that the goal here isn’t to devastate you or crush you but humble you so that you and I would be a little more desperate for Him, so that we would put our hope in Him.
2) THE ANSWER
In a book called “Do You Believe?” Pastor Paul Tripp asks a series of questions concerning relational conflicts. He said, “Why is it that none of us has ever had a relationship that hasn’t disappointed us in some way? Why is it that the places where we have experienced the deepest of human love are also the places where we experience the most stinging hurt? Why is it that there are so many misunderstandings and so much conflict in our relationships? Why do we get so impatient with or so irritated by the people we say we love? Why do human relationships become dark, violent, and abusive? Why do we have such a hard time getting along?” If you’ve ever wrestled with these questions, listen to what James has to say because this is how he answers them. Verse 1, “Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” Now, isn’t it interesting that James doesn’t talk about the occasion or the circumstances that would’ve instigated the fight? He doesn’t talk about the things that were done to them. He doesn’t talk about the tone of voice people used. He doesn’t talk about how unjustly they were treated. But he simply points them to what’s going on inside of their hearts. Why? Because he knew that these external things were not the primary cause of fights and quarrels – sure, they certainly don’t make things easy. But what James wanted them to know was that the ultimate cause of their fights and quarrels was not located outside but inside of them. In other words, the reason why they were fighting and quarreling was because of the desires that battled within them – because of the battle that was lost first in their souls. This means that when we quarrel with another member of the church, when we fight with our spouse, when we clash with our friends, in the end, there’s no one else to blame but us. In fact, to emphasize this point, James used the word “you” 15 times in just these three verses. Before looking around, he really wanted them to look within.
Now, to understand this better, we must look at the previous passage. Two Sundays ago, we learned that the wisdom from below is earthly in that it’s exclusively concerned with the world we live in, unspiritual in that it wants to take control over all things, and demonic in that it causes us to believe that our ways are better than God’s. This kind of wisdom desires to advance ourselves (our cause, our agenda, and our kingdom) – and it will pursue this at the cost of anything and anyone in our way. But what happens when things don’t go our way? We fight and quarrel. Because we don’t get what we want, because of our unsatisfied cravings, because of this desire to have it our way, we go to war with others. And this war will continue to rage on until we have what we want. All this to say, our relationships experience conflicts because of our sinful, selfish desires. Think about it. Why do we get angry in traffic? Why do we get upset when someone disagrees with us? Why does it make us mad when someone makes us wait? Why do our children irritate us? Why do friends fight? Why do husbands and wives quarrel? Why do we find it hard to live at peace with one another? It’s ultimately because of our sinful desires.
Now, before we move on to our next point, let me share just two things so that it doesn’t lead to any misunderstanding. First, James is not saying that anger is always wrong. Remember that even Jesus was enraged when He saw the money changers and those who were selling doves in the temple that He overturned their tables and drove them out. In fact, the Bible speaks of righteous indignation that is holy, just, and good. So, for example, when people dishonor God, it should make us mad. But that’s not what James is talking about here. The fights he’s referring to are the results of selfishness – it’s the anger that comes because our desires were not satisfied. And this is what James is condemning here. Second, James is not saying that we should always remain silent and never engage in an argument. There are times when we as Christians must speak up – we must be confrontational at times. But when we speak, we must do so in love (Eph. 4:15). Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt.” All of us know how powerful this could be because we’ve all experienced the kind of difference it can make in the way we receive criticism. When someone confronts us with a tone that is gentle and loving, our defense goes down and we tend to listen with a humble and open heart instead of having a heart that is ready to fight back. All this to say, we must recognize that James is not prohibiting disagreements or correction – he’s simply condemning our selfish motive. Now, how do we know if our hearts are driven by selfish desires? This leads to our last point.
3) THE EVIDENCE
Verse 2, “You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” Here, James offers us four things as evidence of being driven by selfish desires. Then let’s go through them one by one. First evidence, you kill. Now, only a few commentaries think that James is being literal here in that perhaps some people in the church were actually killing one another out of anger and hatred. I don’t think that’s the case – it’s most likely that this was more of figurative language. In fact, that’s what Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount when He equated hatred with murder – and the same teaching is found in 1 John 3:15 which says, “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer.” Then the reason why James used the word “kill” was to startle us and impress upon us the seriousness of our sin – he wanted us to know that when we don’t get our way and we’re not careful, it could quickly cause us to hurt those around us. Now, how does this happen in our lives? For sure, we could hurt them physically, but it’s most likely that we do so verbally. We attack the character of others, their reputations, and their feelings. We slander. We gossip. We speak words that are cutting and sarcastic. Then in light of this truth, let me ask you, “Is your heart filled with rage and anger toward someone today? Have you ever said things to hurt them, humiliate them, and put them down? Why? What is causing you to feel this way? What are you trying to gain by winning this fight? What are you trying to protect? Do you realize that God sees your action as murder?”
Second evidence, you covet. Coveting is similar to envy in that it desires to have something that rightfully belongs to someone else whether it’s their wealth, status, popularity, and so on. Then why do we covet? There must be many reasons but it’s ultimately because we’re not content. We think that we’re still lacking – that God hasn’t given us enough. So, we crave what others have – we don’t just say, “I really want what they have” but we say, “I need to have what they have.” Then ask yourself, “Is your heart content today? If not, why not? What’s the thing that you think will make your life so much better? What is it that you want? What is it that you need? What are you coveting?” If we don’t guard our hearts from this, we will be driven by our sinful desires.
Third evidence, you do not pray. You don’t pray because you’re self-sufficient. You think you don’t need God. Of course, no one’s actually saying that out loud, but you live as if you don’t need His help. You rely on your own strength, wisdom, experience, and network to get what you need – or you demand from others what only God Himself can provide. And as a result, it leads to more fights and quarrels. Now, if you think that the reason for your prayerlessness is simply due to busyness, listen to what Charles Spurgeon said, “It is not a matter of time so much as a matter of the heart. If you have the heart to pray, you will find the time.” Some of us say, “I would pray more if I had more time. If I was less busy, I would definitely pray more.” But Spurgeon reminds us that time is not the ultimate problem because we clearly find the time to do the things that we want to do and need to do. Then the ultimate reason for our prayerlessness, according to Spurgeon, is because we don’t want to pray. Then let me ask you, “Do you find yourself in conflicts with others today?” I invite you to immerse yourself in prayer. Turn to God to provide for what you really need. Now, I’m not implying that those tensions will disappear if you pray – but I’m saying that when you pray, God will give you the strength and wisdom you need to pursue peace even in the midst of your conflicts.
Last evidence, you pray with wrong motives or pray for the wrong things. At the end of this passage, James acknowledges that some people do pray but their requests are not answered because they’re motivated by selfish and worldly desires. They do ask God, but they look to Him to give them the wrong things. God basically becomes a genie in the bottle. None of their prayers are for the good of others. None of their prayers are for the advancement of the Kingdom. It’s just a shopping list of things that they want God to pick up for them. They see God just as a means to their ends, instead of the end itself. Think about how tragic that is – God is not the desire of their hearts, but someone who’s just there to give them the desires of their hearts. And James is saying to them, “Those selfish prayers will not be granted.” Then how do we pray with the right heart and motive? Let me share some verses that will hopefully help us pray with the right heart. 1 John 5:14-15 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of Him.” Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” And lastly, Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” We need to delight in the Lord because when we do, the desires of our hearts change – our desires will be in conformity with His will. When we grow in our love for Him, we’ll be able to joyfully pray, “Not my will but Your will be done.”
Now, let’s be honest. This still doesn’t change the fact that it’s incredibly difficult to let go of our sinful desires. It’s not easy to avoid fights and quarrels because it’s hard to let go of our pride and selfish ambitions. Paul definitely understood this struggle when he said this in Romans 7:15-19, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” What makes this so discouraging is that it happens over and over again. You say to yourself, “I can’t believe I just did that. I’m never going to do that ever again.” But you do it again and again and again. No wonder Paul said this in Romans 7:24, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” Don’t you just feel like this at times? You’re dumbfounded. You’re disgusted. You’re disappointed. You’re filled with guilt, shame, and remorse at the fact that you’ve done it again – you’ve fallen into sin. And you can’t help but echo what Paul said, “Is there any hope for me?” Well, Paul tells us that there is hope for us. Romans 7:25 says, “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Brothers and sisters, we have hope in Jesus Christ. Transformation is possible not because of our willpower but because of the power of Christ that is at work in us. We can be victorious in the battle of our hearts because Christ the King has won the battle for us – and we share in His victory.
Now, how is this possible? How can His victory be ours? Because Jesus came to substitute His place with us and resolve the most serious conflict that we had. The Bible says that we were on our way to hell because of our sins and we had no way to save ourselves. We rebelled against God, and we were justly deserving of His righteous wrath. But the gospel says that a kind, merciful, loving, heavenly Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ so that He would take our place and bear our sins upon Himself. And as a result, He received the punishment that we deserved and paid in full the price that we owed to God by dying in our place. Christ died for our sins so that we would be forgiven of our sins, so that we would be made clean. But He rose from the grave so that through Him, we may also have life and life to the full. We are a new creation in Christ – we no longer live for ourselves. We now live for the King. We belong to Him. We are His. Brothers and sisters, that’s who you are. We have been adopted into the family of God – we are His children. The reason why you and I are here is all because of His grace. And the good news continues because the gospel tells us that God sent the Spirit of God so that we would be daily empowered by His grace to live this way. He is praying for us. He is encouraging us. He is guiding us. He is correcting us. He is convicting us. He is inspiring and enabling us to live a life worthy of the gospel. Then in light of this wonderful news, it really doesn’t make sense for us to turn to our fellow Christians (again, it could be your spouse, children, friends, and other members of this church) and engage in fights and quarrels. I pray that we would have the eyes to see how absurd this is because the truth is that when the gospel takes root in our lives, love should be a natural byproduct. Brothers and sisters, we are called to love one another. May we do just that.
CONCLUSION
Lighthouse family, what ultimately causes us to fight and quarrel is not located outside but inside of us – we go to war with others because we don’t get what we want and because of our unsatisfied cravings. The only way to guard ourselves against this is to root ourselves in the gospel – we can love others because God first loved us (1 Jn. 4:19). Then may we do just that – may we continue to grow as a community that’s marked with overflowing grace and love.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1) Read verse 1. Do you agree with James that the ultimate cause of your fights and quarrels comes from the desires that battle within you?
2) How is covetousness related to fights and quarrels? How is prayerlessness related to fights and quarrels?
3) How do you often resolve fights and quarrels in your life?
4) Spend some time praying for each other – that God will give you the strength and wisdom you need to pursue peace in all circumstances